SCHLAMMFELD, MB

Local communists have declared complete and total victory over the resistant kulaks this week after successfully convincing some guy named Darryl from Schlammfeld to put on a mask.

“At last, with this final victory, we have achieved the glorious communist utopia,” said local Communist leader Joseph Stalin Jr. “Cloth masks during a time of pandemic: this is precisely what Marx predicted in !”

Darryl feels so profoundly violated by having to protect his neighbours by wearing a mask in public places during a national health emergency, that he’s beginning to look back into his own family history.

“This is no different from when my great-uncle Johan was sent to the Gulag!” said random Darryl guy, from the comfort of his suburban Schlammfeld bungalow. “I finally know exactly

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