WE have solved the migrant hotel problem, but apparently they don’t just vanish? No problem. We’ve used our collective expertise to find new locations to house them:

The sea

They’re fine with sea, it’s how they got here. So that Biddy Stockholm barge could do but otherwise they can construct themselves rafts, link them together, they’ve got a island like that Tory MP expensed for his ducks. They might like it better there. Build their own independent nation just off Britain’s shores. We’d have to declare war on them.

The mines

Since Thatcher drove those bloody shirking miners out of their boltholes they’ve been standing empty when they’re perfectly habitable, probably, it’s only been 40 years. So they can begin new lives underground, safe from the righteous retaliation of good, decent,

See Full Page