THE 3.8 per cent rise in inflation will not trigger any confusing rises in your take-home pay, the UK’s employers have confirmed.

Businesses have rushed to comfort their workers by guaranteeing their salaries will be ring-fenced from a rise in inflation which will, thankfully, only push up the price of everything else.

Boss Martin Bishop said: “Don’t worry about those big scary numbers in the news. We’re labouring tirelessly to keep your wage static.

“In these turbulent economic times, it’s an employer’s duty to shield their staff from the vicissitudes of the wider economy. Your pay will stay nice and steady, exactly where it was in 2020.

“Unfortunately there will be price rises in the canteen – the cost of food’s gone up, you see – and other key indices will be affected, like how much

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