PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA

The Daily Bonnet is now under the control of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and we require that all Mennonites turn from their ways and commit themselves to Kim Jong-un.

Based on our research about Mennonites, here are some glorious completely true facts about Our Dear Leader that you may find enlightening:

Dear Leader was able to extract one thousand litres of milk from a cow in the Paraguayan Chaco without even touching her udder.

Dear Leader initiated the Radical Reformation in 1521

Dear Leader’s great-great-grandmother is in the Kornelsen Book

The very first time Dear Leader played Crokinole, he scored one hundred 20s in a row.

Dear Leader has been fluent in over 1000 languages, including Plautdietsch, since he was an infant and as a toddler wro

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