BIRMINGHAM, AL — Pastor Donald Rogers of Second Baptist Birmingham started today's service by unveiling a new church disclaimer that any lyrics about lifting up your hands should be understood as strictly metaphorical.

"Actually raising your hands is for hippies and crazy people," explained Pastor Rogers. "All such lyrics should be understood as an image of what our spirits are doing inside our very, very still bodies."

The disclaimer comes on the heels of a recent incident where a front-row member, fresh off attending a recent revival service, took a song lyric about raising her hands in worship far too literally. "To be clear, all directives in songs should be understood metaphorically," said Pastor Rogers. "Obviously, that applies to lyrics about shouting for joy, dancing for the Lord

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