CHARLOTTE, NC — Based on the response to his Easter sweater, megachurch pastor Steven Furtick announced today that he would be releasing a line of "Chastity Wear", guaranteed to keep members of the opposite sex at a very, very safe distance.

"Have you been looking for wardrobe options that will ensure no human being will ever want to be intimate with you? Well, look no further!" exclaimed Furtick, donning a torn pink garbage bag. "These clothes are like a cheat code for virtue!"

The new clothing line will feature both men and women's apparel designed for the sole purpose of repelling anyone who could conceivably be attracted to the wearer. The clothing line will also offer tailoring options to ensure that no item comes anywhere close to remotely fitting. Each purchase will come with a mo

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