ARLINGTON, Va. — Local husband and father of three Brad Devins recently rediscovered a burned copy of Incubus’ 2001 album “Morning View” resulting in the most boring midlife crisis in recorded history, confirmed sources.

“I don’t know why I hadn’t listened to them in so long, I loved that band ever since my roommate in college burned their CD for me,” said Devins while rummaging through his basement to find his Boss Phaser pedal. “Just finding that CD has changed everything, as soon as I heard that opening bass line, I felt a renewed sense of life. I think I’m even going to try dreadlocks, as long as my job’s cool with that. I don’t know how the door of my mind got closed so tight, but my friend Colin said that Whole Foods sells an organic essential oil that’s kinda like Molly, so I think

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