CALGARY, AB

In an effort to get more pacifists watching the game, the NHL has imposed a new minimum of five bogus slashing calls per game.

“The team with the fewest bogus slashing calls wins,” said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. “We figured it was much more entertaining to see games determined based solely on the number of really iffy slashing calls than, like, goals scored or something like that.”

Early in the second period, Winnipeg was up two bogus slashing calls to one, but by middle of the third Calgary had racked up a few bogus slashing calls of their own and soon it was real barnburner. NHL fans are loving the new totally bogus slashing calls.

“It really spices up the game to have constant power players,” said Flames fan Peter Wiebe of Swift Current. “The only problem is the pow

See Full Page