WASHINGTON, DC

In these dark and challenging times the American people have scoured the nation to find the very best two possible candidates to lead the country through this difficult period.

“Normally we just pick someone from a hat like Mennonites pick their pastors,” said American political pundit Mr. Funk, “but this time we knew we really had to get someone good in there. Our nation’s survival depends on it! So, we looked far and wide and these two were the best we could come up with.”

Apparently, the attributes the American people are most looking for in a President include mediocre intellectual capacity, erratic behaviour, kowtowing to the establishment, sketchy ties to foreign nations, and the sheer inability to speak in public without saying something absolutely stupid.

“With t

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