Aries, March 21st–April 19th

Met your partner online? Great news, when it all goes wrong you can claim that they groomed you.

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

You’re only allowed to name Churchill as Britain’s greatest ever prime minister if you can name one other not from your lifetime. And… you can’t.

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

Aren’t all humans food addicts, though?

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

A convertible sports car pulls up next to you at the traffic lights, the whole street shaking to the subsonic bass of Nick Drake’s delicate folk classic Five Leaves Left.

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

Holocaust denier David Irving used to do tours of the camps. Did he just walk around pointing at stuff and saying ‘Nothing happened here’?

Virgo, August 23rd–September 22nd

Has Keir Starmer even

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