Well, it finally happened. My eldest and most expensive daughter truly left the nest this time. We recently schlepped her from glorious Texas to a mysterious and unaffordable land known as Colorado, where she’ll start a life of her own, dodging blizzards, patrons stumbling out of brewhouses, and billowing clouds of smoke from the devil’s lettuce.

But not only have we lost our first baby to semi-grown adult-ish-hood roughly a zillion miles away, getting her there was pure “H-E-double hockey sticks” covered in blood from knocking my teeth out.

The trouble began when we arrived at her former apartment to load up her belongings — and what appeared to be the belongings of 20 other recent college graduates with compulsive hoarding disorders. My wife and I foolishly thought that a small U-Haul

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