GOSHEN, IN

After a totally exhausting Presidential election campaign, millions of Mennonites across America are returning to their farms, claiming they are “done with politics, like, forever.”

“I’m plum tuckered out,” said Henry Willems, shovelling cow manure into a neat and orderly pile. “I don’t want to hear anything about primaries and caucuses and the race to 270 ever again.”

Willems claimed he found more fulfilment and value in cleaning the cattle stalls, than he ever did in the electoral process.

“‘Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!'” said Willems, exhibiting the full existential despair of an Old Testament king. “I don’t know why I ever got so worked up about the outcome of this election.”

Willems then apologized to the cows for his neglect.

“I’m sorry I have

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