How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I am 45 and recently separated. I’ve had many great sexual experiences, and believe that sex, specifically kink, can be really healing and fun. But the one thing I still have problems with is confronting a partner when I notice something is off.

A few months ago, I met someone. We had a good meetup and decided to go to my place. Things progressed to me removing her pants and underwear. She obviously had a bacterial vaginosis infection. I didn’t say anything, and while I’m competent in discussing preferences, boundaries, and most anything, this has got me stumped.

I’ve spoken to a few friends about the situation, and it seems like the best

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