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Yesterday afternoon, President Donald Trump hosted a pool of reporters in the Oval Office to announce that the space operations of the United States would be relocating to Alabama, and—more crucially—that the man was still alive. Trump, you see, was uncharacteristically absent from the public eye last week. The president wasn’t available for press access on Wednesday or Thursday and didn’t have any events scheduled through Labor Day weekend. So when an itinerary surfaced showing that Trump was slated to make an unspecified “announcement,” the country’s most beleaguered #resisters crossed their fingers and hoped for the best. Bluesky and Twitter roiled with unsubsta

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