CHARLESTON, SC — Everyone starts out with the best intentions at the beginning of a new year, but it's February and already Michael Watson is faltering on his Read-Through The Silmarillion In A Year plan, according to sources.

"I have read The Lord of the Rings nine times," said Michael. "So I thought to myself that The Silmarillion would be a piece of cake. But, man, is it brutal! It's like getting smacked in the face every day with the hilt of Andúril, Flame of the West."

"There are all these obscure genealogies of unpronounceable elf names and for some reason, they all start with ‘F'! There's Finwë, Feanor, Fingolfin, Finarfin... why?" Michael lamented. "And every time a group of elves does something they get a new name! I had to learn all the names of the different elves dependin

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