WATERLOO, ON

Retired bricklayer, Barney Plett of Waterloo, was arraigned on a wide variety of charges including ‘espionage’, ‘defacing public property’, and ‘attempted murder,’ after photographic evidence suggested he lathered his cottage cheese vereneki in a thick layer of ketchup this past Friday. Prosecutors have also applied a little known and archaic blasphemy law that’s been on the books since the mid-1800s.

“In all my years, I’ve never seen such a disgusting defilement of the beloved Mennonite-style perogy,” said Constable Dueck. “You can fry them, you can add onions, you can use sour cream-based gravy or schmaunt fat, but under no circumstances will we tolerate the usage of ketchup!”

If convicted, Plett could face up to twenty years in prison.

“Back in ’86, Mr. Friesen was arre

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