ENGLISH teachers likening themselves to Taylor Swift after the star referred to herself as ‘your English teacher’ have been sternly informed they can f**k off.

Secondary teachers deluded into believing themselves comparable to the pop megastar due to her excruciating engagement announcement have been reminded of their myriad differences, not least of which are being ugly and driving a Fiat Punto.

14-year-old Lauren Hewitt said: “I’m not being funny Miss, but have you seen the shape of your head? It’s like if a potato had afterbirth.

“When she joked she was an English teacher that was for us, the fans, not sad old dried-up bitches like you. Frankly the comparison is insulting.

“English teachers don’t fly in private jets on epic, sell-out stadium tours. They neck red wine after work and

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