Being American means we enjoy certain freedoms, such as the right to a fair trial. With these freedoms, however, come certain responsibilities, one of which is the civic duty to serve in a legal proceeding.

Sure, we’ve all been in countless situations where we’ve had to stand before a jury of our peers, but some of us have actually been called to serve on said juries. This can be a total drag, but here are five clever ways I got out of my patriotic obligation that were all just getting caught doing whippets in the parking lot.

February 9th, 2017: I had a plan to be excused by providing the attorneys a detailed list of all of my racial prejudices, but ended up not having to resort to that when the judge happened to walk past my Honda Civic before we were called into the building. Frankly

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