DOVER, DE - While speculation has circled about President Biden checking his watch during the dignified transfer of fallen soldiers, sources in the administration have confirmed that in fact, he was only looking to see if he still had blood on his hands.

Despite attempting to blame Trump, climate change, and the Afghani people themselves, at the end of the debacle Biden still found himself with blood on his hands, and his alone. Somehow, being the President of the United States - and being the final authority who selected Pentagon leaders for their intersectionality, ordered the total troop withdrawal, conceded to deadlines set by terrorists, abandoned allies with no warning, withdrew the military before ensuring civilians were brought to safety, trusted known terrorists to provide safe p

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