Resilience is often misunderstood.

We’re taught to think of it as some hardened mental posture—the ability to push through pain, to “toughen up,” to bend and not break. But real resilience doesn’t come from brute strength. It comes from self-understanding. From owning your truth, finding meaning in your pain, and choosing who you want to become in the face of your worst fears.

I learned that the hard way. At 19 years old, I took another man’s life and was sentenced to 17 to 40 years in prison. I would spend 19 years behind bars, seven of them in solitary confinement. I went into that system broken, angry, and afraid. And for a long time, I let that pain define me.

But at my lowest point—trapped in a cell the size of a parking space, cut off from the world—I made a decision. I chose to c

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