BURLINGTON, VT - Bernie Sanders has announced he will step down from politics since his most aspirational goals have already been achieved. These goals consisted mostly of locking everyone up in gulags and destroying the economy.

As the coronavirus panic has already accomplished the aims of his socialistic policies, Sanders realized the country didn't need his public service anymore. Unemployment has skyrocketed, grocery stores have empty shelves, and everyone is confined to their homes on penalty of arrest. This "idyllic paradise" is exactly what Sanders wanted in the first place, so he says he can leave the race satisfied that his vision has been achieved.

"This once-in-a-lifetime deadly pandemic has already accomplished what socialism aims to do," Sanders said in his concession speech

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