The six stages of a man getting a hair transplant

IS A man in your life gazing at Wayne Rooney and Rob Brydon with naked envy? Always on websites with a particular follicular bent? These are the stages to watch for:

Aggressive combing

First comes mild subterfuge, as the remaining frontmost strands creep longer and longer and begin to be styled dramatically in patterns similar to weather reports of a hurricane. He’s growing it out, he’ll say, it’s no big deal, while carefully gauging wind speed to see if it’s safe to leave the office and hiding from rain as if he owes it money.

Big hat era

Whether a beanies, a baseball caps, or a dubious fedora that makes him look like a Bugsy Malone extra, no headwear is left untried in his attempt to convince himself that yeah, all he has to do is wear this for the rest of his life and nobody will