MINNEAPOLIS, MN

New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady struggled to explain his team’s loss in Super Bowl LII last night, though after pressure from reporters, confessed he felt he was hampered by having to use regulation size footballs.

“I mean that’s the only thing I can think of,” said Brady. “The inability to cheat this time really hurt our chances.”

The Philadelphia Eagles, on the other hand, worked hard to ensure the game would be on the up and up and the footballs would be properly filled. Team members spent all last summer working as sausage stuffers in Lancaster county.

“There was no way we were going to let Brady slip one by us this year,” said Eagles QB Nick Foles. “Thanks to the friendly Mennonites, I can spot an under-stuffed sausage or football a mile away.”

With the

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