WASHINGTON, D.C. - Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi agreed to pass $4.6 billion in border funding -- the majority going to humanitarian aid -- foiling the plans of Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who was trying to keep the children held at the border from getting basic things like food, medicine, and blankets.

"Things are very bad at the border," Ocasio-Cortez explained to the press, "but I need them even more badder. That way the children will be very sad and then I will stand at the fence and see them be very sad, which will make me be very sad, and people will take pictures of me being sad, and people will see those pictures and they will be sad, and then there will be no more borders."

Ocasio-Cortez has started working on alternate plans to make the detained children even m

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