Anal insertion champion accused of playing chess during live squeezathon

The prestigious ‘Up the Orifice 2022’ championships have been thrown into disarray by the resignation of world number one Mingus Carlsberg, just one insertion into a critical game.‘Mingus made a strong start with an amusingly knobbly parsnip, causing involuntary applause and much empathetic shifting in their seats from the rapt audience,’ reported commentator Dan Fistule. ‘When plucky upstart Glans Newman responded with a bravura Orangina bottle (unlubricated), everyone thought it was game on, a