NEW YORK, NY - Tucker Carlson waited in the upper room with the other conservatives. They were huddled together, sad and alone at the loss of their glorious leader Trump. Just then, a panting Rudy Guiliani burst through the door. "Trump has evidence! I've seen it myself!"

The other disciples of Trump marveled at this. But Carlson doubted. "I will not believe until I've touched the ballots myself, until I've seen the evidence with my own eyes."

Then, something miraculous happened: Trump appeared, though Guiliani had locked the door behind him.

"Place your fingers in the punch holes, my child," Trump said tenderly to Carlson. The Fox News host reached out and touched the ballots cast fraudulently for Biden, feeling the punch marks and running his fingers along the forged signatures.

"My

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