WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking from the White House, President Biden announced his administration's bold plan to require all wildfires be electric by 2025.

"My administration is committed to fighting pancakes, I mean climate change, and today we announce our boldest initiative yet!" mumbled the President to a group of dolls gathered in his closet he mistook for reporters gathered on the White House lawn. "By 2025, all wildfires will be powered exclusively by clean, electric energy. Gotta do it, folks! Not a joke! I wonder what that redhead smells like!"

The Biden team unveiled details of the plan, including new statutes mandating all wildfires obtain permits for electric usage before being allowed to burn down acres of forest land.

"Electric wildfires are the future of climate technology,"

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