Key points

The antidote to toxic masculinity is to provide young men with a better way to express their gender.

A resilient masculinity is rooted in the flexible, non-controlling expression of maleness in relationships.

Four aspects of masculinity predict happy marriages: fairness, protection, provision, and attentiveness.

Toxic masculinity may be in the news these days, but we seldom hear about alternatives that can offer young men a gendered understanding of their place in the world, which is still valued. Instead, it feels like we mostly hear what young men shouldn’t be, and the list is long.

I recently had an awkward conversation with a couple in their 50s who told me that they were proud to have remained married for 30 years when so many other marriages had ended in divorce .

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