WASHINGTON, D.C. - As part of the Democrat Party's push for mail-in voting in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, the party has revealed the seasoned veteran mailman who will collect everybody's mail-in votes this November, Phil R.E. Quinton.

A longtime USPS mail carrier, Quinton will be in charge of collecting and tabulating the votes for all the states that opt for mail-in voting.

"Quinton has been a trusted USPS mailman for years, and you can trust him with your votes," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. "Read my lips: Quinton will make sure each and every vote will be counted and counted fairly."

"Thank you for your vote of confidence," Quinton said. "I am good at two things: chewing gum and delivering the votes. And I'm all out of votes. I mean, I'm all out of... gum? Eh, w

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