NUUK — Vice President JD Vance was met with a cold reception early Friday when he arrived in Greenland to find a grand army furiously making snowballs to defend against an invasion from the United States.

Amid rising tensions, the vice president had to scale back his initial plans to visit the towns of Nuuk and Sisimiut, instead spending all his time at Pituffik Space Base, where he connected with soldiers on the ground to learn the true nature of Greenland's growing war machine.

"We've seen them throwing snowballs at snowmen for snow target practice," reported 821st Air Base Group Commander Mark Redding. "It's a very bold show of force. We can't match their snowball technique."

According to intelligence reports, Danish Armed Forces at the Joint Arctic Command oversaw the recruitment of

See Full Page