Every author has felt the sting of rejection at some point or another — but imagine the pain of having the Holy Spirit deny your manuscript!

Due to recent archaeological advances, we at the Babylon Bee have recently discovered an entirely new stash of scrolls that almost -- but didn't quite -- make it into the Bible:

2 Kings 2 Furious : Sadly, 3 Kings: Jericho Drift also came up short.

If I Did It , by Cain: Compelling, but failed to persuade the omniscient Creator of all.

2 Ruth: The Reckoning : More gleaning. More mothers-in-law. And much, much more Boaz.

3rd Samuel: The Rise Of Skywalker : Had high hopes, but ultimately cut for being unoriginal and terrible.

How I Met Your Mother , by Abraham: Though not Bible material, did lead to a mini-series The Real Housewives of

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