FANTASTIC. Just what I needed. A full day’s deliveries to do in the face of heavy rain and 95mph winds from a storm named after my ex-girlfriend.

It’s not like it’s easy being an Ocado driver in the West Highlands anyway. Miles of lonely road to traverse before every stop. Time for the mind to dwell on insults, put-downs, and the ragged ends of relationships. And that’s without Storm Amy in my f**king face.

‘You should have been more attentive,’ she howls, as I drive through the glen. ‘Played less Destiny ,’ she whispers through the crack around the van’s door. ‘I’m going to ruin your visibility so you drive into a river and die,’ she screams with her torrential rain.

Of course I answer back. I spend all day alone in a van in unpopulated areas, you think I don’t talk to myself? ‘You d

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