Key points

When a loved one is depressed, it’s human nature to want to stop their suffering.

It can be very difficult not to offer advice to a depressed person, but advice can be alienating.

It’s more effective to ask the person to talk about their pain, and to listen without judgment.

An old school friend of mine is suffering. She has extreme anxiety and depression and can’t seem to find a way out of the emotional hole she’s in. She’s tried medications and therapy , but hasn’t found the right fit yet. I say “yet,” but that word grates on her. She refuses to believe that there is any possible future where she will not be in pain.

I know that place all too well—that black coffin of depression that slams shut on you while you’re still alive and breathing.

Fortunately, I’ve been a

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