Key points

Many therapists aren’t deeply trained in attachment, and social media posters aren’t either.

Attachment is not a style; it’s a system of seeking safety in close relationships.

Labels like “anxious” or “avoidant” oversimplify a dynamic process shaped by context.

Real security is built together through responsiveness, not quick fixes or scripts.

As a relationship and attachment scientist, couples therapist, and coach, I hear it all the time: “My partner is avoidant.” “The person I am dating is anxious .” “I think I am avoidant.” People come to me convinced they have cracked the code of their relationships by slotting themselves or their partners into an attachment category they picked up on TikTok or Instagram.

I get why it resonates. These labels are everywhere. The

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