Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

Not long ago, my husband and I appointed his parents as guardians for our two children, “Sarah,” 5, and “Ken,” 18 months, in the event that we should die while they are still minors.

The other day, Sarah came to me very upset: She asked if her dad and I were dying. I assured her that we were fine. What made her think we weren’t? I asked. It turned out that my mother-in-law, “Mary,” told Sarah about the arrangements we made if something were to happen to us. And Mary has apparently been bringing this up nearly every time she sees Sarah and Ken, talking about what life will be like for her and her brother, living with them, should my husband and I di

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