The voice of Keir Starmer echoed round the Conservative party’s conference hall. ‘Free of charge digital ID’ chanted the disembodied Dalek. If people had come hoping to escape the Grand Adenoid then hard luck. Kemi Badenoch’s welcome address to the Tory faithful began with a dystopian video compilation of some of the Labour government’s ‘greatest hits’ since entering office; channel crossings up, gangs distinctly un-smashed. A useful reminder that, whatever D:Ream might have promised us, things can always get worse.

The feeling at this conference is like a family gathered round a bedside awaiting an imminent demise. Even the tat in the conference overspill is macabre: a stall offers paintings of Kemi Badenoch and Robert Jenrick which look like they have been painted as part of a therapy s

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