ABBOTSFORD, BC

Every chaste young man’s biggest fear came true last night as Eric Dueck and Sarah Loewen were miraculously raptured just moments before they were able to consummate their marriage.

“I just knew this would happen,” said 21-year-old Eric, who had been waiting for this moment ever since he heard about this thing called sex from Pastor Dave during pre-marital counselling.

The rapture took place just after the reception in the MB church basement. According to traditional Anabaptist doctrine, the Bible clearly teaches that in Heaven people will “neither marry nor be given in marriage, but instead they will be like angels.”

“Yeah…and angels don’t have sex,” said a disappointed Eric from his heavenly perch. “It’s true that I didn’t know much about it, but I would have at least

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