DEARBORN, MI — According to neighbors, local wife and mother Helena Kenti has reportedly begged her husband Peter, who is currently going through a midlife crisis, to "please" get rid of the Greek trireme docked in their driveway and instead buy a convertible like a normal person.

"You're 40 — so what? You don't need a Greek trireme," Mrs. Kenti begged. "Look, how about we get you a nice overpriced convertible instead? I don't care how much it costs!"

The trireme, erected in the Greek style, is reportedly seaworthy but untested. It has been sitting unused in their driveway for weeks while Peter Kenti continues his search for loyal fighting men to man the oars.

"I can't do it, honey," Peter explained to his wife as she continued to plead with him for the sake of their marriage. "The sea

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