NEW YORK, NY - Tired of being overshadowed by Tucker Carlson and his glorious swoop haircut, Fox contributors Jonah Goldberg and Stephen Hayes announced today they are leaving the network to become co-hosts of 'The View'.

"We are excited to finally bring our brand of thoughtful, intellectual conservatism to the table in an environment that values respectful, rational debate," said Mr. Goldberg. "I mean, that is what things are like on 'The View', right? I've never actually watched it, but Tucker just assured us that it was a super-intelligent crowd and we were going to love it! He really was so nice to find us the gig - thanks, Tucker!"

The pair of conservative voices had reportedly drifted apart from Fox News over the past years, with much of the tension surrounding the absolutely horre

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