AUSTIN, TX — Elon Musk, the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, is finally ready to take America into the future with his new invention of glowing cylinders with handles on the top that you can push into a slot and lock into place.

"It's big, heavy, and it glows," Elon Musk said to thunderous applause. "And it can be inserted to power up, like, a spaceship, or a really cool mech, or a super weapon or something. It's really cool."

"Every sci-fi movie and computer game has told us for years that this is where the future is going, and it's time to make the future a reality."

Musk showed off the new device by slowly inserting it into a coolant reactor and locking it into place to prevent an orbital research station from exploding at the last second. He clarified: "This is an extreme case. But you can

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