WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to sources in the D.C. area, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh decided to "go ahead and get it over with" and burn his own home down before tonight's protests break out.

"Might as well face it - the sooner this puppy burns down, the sooner I can start rebuilding at an undisclosed location," Kavanaugh said to himself while dousing his home with kerosene, as his family piled into a minivan provided by a federal witness protection program. "At least I'll be sure to do a good job. Those antifa guys can be pretty sloppy."

Kavanaugh walked slowly through the house, carefully applying lighter fluid and other fuels throughout, as he reminisced about all the good times he'd had there and said goodbye to his material possessions. "Goodbye, statue of St. Mary. Goodb

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