“Mornings are for coffee and contemplation.” The first episode of Stranger Things opens with that line — Jim Hopper telling his deputy to hold off on the small talk until the caffeine hits. Most Americans cannot contemplate without coffee. In fact, most of them can’t commute, create, concentrate, communicate, or care about anything until they’ve poured that first scalding cup of civilisation into their system. Coffee isn’t a beverage in America; it’s a baseline condition. It is the nation’s real morning prayer — mumbled not to God but to the gods of arabica and robusta. And like all modern religions, it demands ritual, repetition, and the occasional burnt offering at a drive-thru window.

Coffee is the unspoken pulse of American life. On any given day, you’re more likely to have a cup t

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