What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Chosen Family Estrangement

Key points

Don't focus on your beliefs about family. Instead, be curious about their beliefs.

Avoid comparing your experiences to theirs.

Don't try to fix it. Instead, ask them what they need.

Be present and safe instead of guilting them.

Family estrangement is often misunderstood and stigmatized, leaving many who’ve chosen it hesitant to share their experiences with others. When they can talk, they choose safe and capable people to engage with. Would you like to be one of these people? If so, consider the following guidance.

Do Not Focus on Your Beliefs

Avoid saying:

"But they’re your family.”

“Family is everything.”

“You only get one father/mother/grandparent.”

Someone who has chosen estrangement does not need to hear your thoughts or feelings about family. They have heard it