Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

Can my partner ban my sister from staying over? My older sister (I’m 40, she’s 50) and I have always been close. She lives in our hometown. I followed my dreams to a different city, have a good job, a toddler, a partner, and a flat we own together. I’m also the breadwinner.

Over time, I’ve noticed I’m more mature than my sister. She has always been caring and loving, but can be selfish, kind but manipulative at times, fun but overbearing with me in particular (she acts as my big sis protector and supporter, which I value so much). My mother and I never hold her accountable. My mother has always been too scared to say anything to my sister, as she c

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