UNITED STATES - After nearly two years of life-altering restrictions due to the COVID-19 pandemic, leaders across the nation are granting citizens a slow return to normalcy after hearing the wonderful news that the indisputable, irrefutable, unquestionable, unchanging SCIENCE is changing again.

"While this isn't the first time incontrovertible SCIENCE has turned out to be controvertible, we don't want anyone to assume that undebatable SCIENCE should ever be seen as debatable because it is not," said CNN's medical expert Dr. Leana Wen while sticking a butter knife in a toaster. "Yes, the unmistakable SCIENCE on masks, vaccine effectiveness, treatments, lockdowns, and comorbidities was actually mistaken, but don't forget that this pandemic has been prolonged only because people doubted the

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