Key points

Sex experts agree that partner communication is key to great sex. But talking about sex is difficult.

BDSM often involves written contracts specifying play that's welcome and play that's not.

At every erotic escalation, initiator should ask those on the receiving end, "Is this OK?"

Sex experts talk themselves hoarse urging people to discuss—and negotiate—the details of their lovemaking. The problem is that many couples find sexual details difficult, if not impossible, to discuss.

An example: One study showed that when sex causes women pain, only half (51 percent) tell their partners, and usually only if the pain is severe. If half of women don’t mention sex hurting, how likely are they to raise less urgent issues? Probably not very. There is no similar study of men, but

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