MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in an upscale restaurant and the 20-something server totally messed up. The appetizers never arrived, our order was incorrect, etc.

The young woman gave a half-hearted apology that mostly blamed the kitchen. Then she just stood there, waiting for my response.

Other than, “Yes, you did a terrible job,” what could I say? It seems that young people want to hear “That’s OK,” but bad service is not OK. How should one respond?

GENTLE READER: The proper response lies between those two extremes. By saying, “Thank you for your apology,” you accept it without suggesting that the infraction was unimportant. But you also avoid the equally ineffective -- not to mention rude -- trap of criticizing the

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