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With tense negotiations between Russia and Ukraine still ongoing, many experts have wondered what the sticking points could be that are standing in the way of lasting peace.

Through the use of highly placed international connections, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following sneak peek at Vladimir Putin's list of demands to agree to a ceasefire:

A mint-condition holographic Charizard: Anything less would be an insult to the people of Russia.

All Russian mail-order brides must be sent back: They are to become Russian wives, effective immediately.

Rocky IV must be edited so that Ivan Drago wins: When Drago told Rocky, "You will lose," he was telling the truth.

Trump must give Putin a cool new nickname: He must now

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