IMAGINE you’re selling your old Fiat Panda. You agree a price, but as the new owner drives it away it transforms into a top-of-the-range Audi. That is what a post-break-up boob job is like for men.

A woman getting bigger breasts after a split is traumatic for their ex because they can’t help dwelling on the hours of fun they’ve missed out on. This is not reducing women to sex objects. Tits are just the icing on the cake of you being a strong, independent, successful woman. Obviously.

It’s also easy to forget the role ex-partners have played in the wellbeing of your norks. Fondling them, hanging around while you buy bras for them, acting as an unpaid style consultant on the issue of whether a top is too revealing and ‘tarty’. It never is, by the way.

Therefore I believe exes should have

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