Kody Brown Says He "Didn't Know S--t" About Being a Dad, Husband

You could say the realization was like a knife to the kidney.

But for Kody Brown , the toughest part of the Nov. 6 episode of Special Forces: World's Toughest Test had nothing to do with running in the desert heat or crawling through mud.

Rather, after he and Shawn Johnson struggled through their hostage rescue exercise, the directing staff called out his decision-making, leading the Sister Wives star to reflect on his missteps as a dad.

With four wives and 18 kids to support, "There's always the accusation that I was favoring one over another," he mused. "But they would turn against you—they were like, 'I don't need dad or want dad in my life.'"

Feeling most of his older children had rejected him , Kody admitted, "I was offended by a lot of what they did."

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